Chances
by Cassandra Mulder
Summary: Scully- vignette Scully thinks about all the chances she takes and what they could cost her.


Title: Chances   
Author: Cassandra Mulder   
Rating: PG   
Feedback: Will be handled with care, and promptly replied to. Flames will be used   
to toast marshmallows in my fireplace through the month of December.   
dana_mulder31@hotmail.com   
Spoilers: Season 8 through "Roadrunners"   
Classification: Scully Vignette; MSR   
Disclaimer: I do not own Scully or the X-Files, but if I did I'd fix this mess!   
They all belong to the *geniouses* (can you hear the sarcasm?) at 1013 and   
FOX. Now, let's see if I can forget that, and move on.   
Date Written: December 4, 2000   
Summary: Scully thinks about all the chances she takes and what they could   
cost her.   
Author's Notes: No big explanation here, Scully just started talking in my head   
last night, and this is what she said. See, she really does still care about Mulder,   
it's just that those nuts at 1013 told her not to express anything to them! hehe...   
****************************************************   
  
I don't know how much longer I can take chances. There's not just my life to   
consider anymore. The life of my child is more important than anything I've   
ever been responsible for. And somehow, I keep screwing up.   
  
I can't seem to stay out of life-threatening situations. In less than three months,   
I have been thrown-hard-against a wall, I foolishly traipsed out into bat   
creature-infested woods, and I tried to elude my new partner on a case   
where I was trapped in a strange town, then played host to one of the most   
disgusting creatures I've ever seen in my life. With the exception of Flukeman.   
  
I should know better, and yet I keep plunging ahead, to no avail. I'm still no   
closer to Mulder, or answers, or a part of me that is missing. I'm lost without   
him, and I just don't know what to do anymore.   
  
I've become weak, when I never was before. Maybe I wasn't the Super Woman   
everyone thought I was, or even Mulder's uber-Scully, but I could hold my own.   
I *always* held my own, never let anyone push me around.   
  
Then the new guy came along.   
  
He thinks he's in charge, but he forgets that the X-Files are mine now. He's   
cocky, arrogant, and thinks he can walk all over me. But he's wrong. I've   
thought about pulling my gun on him more than once. But I'm sure my baby   
will have enough problems without having to be born in prison. I have to tolerate   
him as best I can and move on.   
  
They say God works in mysterious ways. He must've known that without Mulder,   
I would need an anchor to keep me steady. Maybe it was God that allowed this   
miracle in me, and not some government conspiracy. I still don't know how it   
could've happened, so I grab onto the nearest logical explanation, which is still   
something I can't see or prove.   
  
It just seems like that's the way my life is these days. Everything rests on theories,   
hypothesis, vague explanations. Not that I've come to expect proof or hard evidence   
in the last eight and a half years of my life. Somehow, with Mulder, the unfulfilled   
didn't seem so unfulfilling. He filled voids in my heart, my soul, my life, that I didn't   
think anyone ever could. That made anything else that was empty in any other thing   
seem that much less important. Now there are holes, voids, spaces everywhere that   
nobody can fill.   
  
Now I cry my tears in my own private darkness, and put on a staunch, professional   
face at work.   
  
How many more chances can I take before there are no more? Till I've done something   
wrong, and there's no way for me to go back and fix it?   
  
I have to make sure this tiny life inside me survives. I have to make sure that Mulder   
gets back to me safely. I know the value of chances, I've had many in my life, in   
recent memory. I must grab at the right ones to put the shattered pieces of my   
life back together. When they will come to me, I don't know. But when they do,   
I won't pass them by or give them up. Life is precious. Mine, my child's, and   
Mulder's. We'll be together soon, before our chances run out.   
  
THE END 


End file.
